Worthiness

I struggle with worthiness.  It's something I've dealt with off and on since my teen years.  Here lately I've had a good handle on it until this past week when I was reminded of a painful situation I went through.  This situation really hasn't been fully resolved to me emotionally because I am lacking affirmation from someone who doesn't seem to want to give it to me....leaving me feel not important to them.

God's timing can be funny at times........and sometimes scary.  The unworthiness crept in on the drive to church Sunday.  I cried and cried in the car and then bit my lip during Sunday School to keep the tears in check so I wouldn't make a fool of myself from people who I am now just trying to get to know.  But during the sermon....the tears didn't behave and I sat there like stone daring myself not to wipe them away for fear people would question me...........funny how the mind works and amazing how God works as well because the sermon was for me.

The scripture came from 2 Corinthians 4:1-12.  I can't quite remember how the whole sermon went because God was talking to me after a certain word the pastor spoke........unworthy.  I was feeling unworthy......unloved......disrespected and uncared for.  That morning I was great.  We were all ready to go to church on time for once and the day was beautiful for December and then the feeling of self hatred struck me from behind and the second half of the car ride to church was pure torture.

Since Sunday I have cried a crazy amount of tears and thought crazy things and memories from the past has plagued me but God keeps reminding me of one thing............I am not unworthy. 

2000 years ago, a man came to this earth.  He lived among all kinds of people.  People who felt alone, unloved, dirty, poor, hungry, sick, confused, cheaters, liars, murderers, traitors, self-righteous, young, old, weak, strong, fat, skinny, black, white, brown, red, yellow..........people today who make me want to stay in my home and hide...........but yet He came, He loved them when people said it was wrong............He talked to them when people said He shouldn't talk to them.............He helped them when people said He shouldn't talk to them............He died for them when the gates of hell said He shouldn't die for them.........

So why should I let the world say I am unworthy?